Alyssa Pfluger

Alyssa Pfluger

Opinion Piece written for the Torch

December 13, 2013

 

Cell phones are changing relationships, and it’s not for the better. All of us are used to having our phones on us. After all, texting is a way to keep in touch with the people we love at all times. It’s natural that we, being social creatures, want to be in constant communication with friends and family. However, does this tendency to constantly text actually harm our relationships?

 

On one hand, we are able to further our relationships through texting by making jokes and keeping up with loved ones. For those in long-distance relationships or whose homes are far from campus, texting often feels like one of the only ways to connect with your friends and loved ones. However, texting can harm relationships both with the people we text and the people we are with when we text.

 

We all have seen relationships that start superbly strong. The two involved just can’t get enough of each other and text constantly, often regardless of where they are, who they’re with or what they’re doing. However, these relationships often fizzle. Why? Because they do get enough of each other. Having no time to act without communicating, there is nothing for them to talk about later. They get to the point when they think, “I want to talk more, but I don’t know what to say.” It’s all due to over-communication.

 

The second way that texting harms relationships between texters and text-ees is through miscommunication. Often tone cannot be properly interpreted. This correlates with the third negative impact of texting between participants: the attempt to resolve large issues through text messages. According to the Huffington Post, “There is a narrowness with texting and you don’t get to see the breadth of a person that you need to see.” It’s harder to understand where the other person is coming from and how they feel when we don’t receive nonverbal communication. Therefore, texting can be a “dehumanizing” experience that makes it harder to actually connect.

 

The next part of my argument is more common. Many of us don’t text around our grandparents or even our parents because they take offense. Perhaps they are right to do so – we are, after all, effectively ignoring them during the time set aside to cultivate a relationship. However, the negative impacts of texting go deeper than this cursory argument.

 

Studies at Essex University have shown that simply having your phone out can cause others to experience negative emotions, even if you’re not using the device. Seeing a phone “can have negative effects on closeness, connection, and conversation quality.” This is likely because the sight of the phone causes the other person to think about wider social circles and therefore diverts attention away from the conversation. When phones are visible “people… were significantly less positive than the other participants about the person they had just met.” This is true even if some participants were unaware that the phone was the cause of the feeling. Furthermore, people were more likely to believe that they had meaningful conversations when a phone was not present.

 

Although science has yet to determine if the presence of a phone actually alters people’s behavior or perceptions, one thing holds true: phones harm attempts at real communication. So, while recognizing that there are certainly positives to using a phone, the important thing is to know when to put the phone away.